Recipe for the best cake in the world:

1 Butter, a minimum of half a pound (225g), but not to exceed 1 (one) pound. (See 4)
2 Sugar, light brown, unless you or a relative had a bank account overseas last year, in which case dark brown sugar. Do not substitute honey. Use 6 tbsps.
3 Eggs, six small or half a dozen medium.
4 Chocolate, 6 oz. If in London use cocoa powder. If using cocoa, add 15g (1 tbsp) of butter to each 3 tbsps of cocoa. Multiply by .9897 per 30g. 29. Add total of additional butter to 1 (above).
5a Flour, white. Retired civil servants may be eligible for flour tax credit. 2 cups.
5b Flour, whole wheat, 1_ cups.
5c Alternative mixture: Divide 5a and 5b by two, adding 0.03 for each ounce of butter in 1.
6 Vanilla, 1 teaspoon. See Section A regarding use of imitation vanilla flavouring. Vanilla extract may be tax deductible on your next return.
7 Sea salt, 1/3 tsp (optional). If you are a head of household with children under the age of 16, you must add salt.
8 Baking powder, 1_ tsps. Use of baking soda will result in a penalty as per Form 552, Section 5. Walnuts, 8 oz., chopped. Pecans, diced 5oz, Ross and Chromarty Force 3, Westerly.
9 Preheat oven to 180degC(195 if altitude exceeds 1,000m). Now check that you have turned the oven on. In a bowl (salad not soup), cream butter and sugar for 2 mins, or until well blended, whichever occurs first. (Note: If you are using cocoa [see 4], add additional butter and sugar NOW!)
10 Blend eggs, one egg at a time or all at once, into creamed mixture. If the eggs are from a farm within 500m of your home address, you may be eligible for a Fowl Credit. See Form 556a, Section 34HEN.
11 Add vanilla.
12 In a double boiler, melt chocolate at low heat. If you are using cocoa, disregard the preceding instruction and stir cocoa into the creamed mixture. Then stir in flour from 5a, 5b, or 5c, add salt (optional, but see 7 for exception) and baking powder.
13 Add nuts (See 8).
14 Pour batter into 2 (two) greased and floured 200mm round cake tins or 1 (one) greased and floured 250 x 300m tin, WHICH YOU SHOULD HAVE PREPARED EARLIER.
Bake in preheated oven (see 9) for 25 to 30 minutes, whichever is greater. After removing cake tin(s) from oven, cool for 10 minutes (12 for rectangular pan) and turn cake(s) out onto wire rack. When cake is completely cool, ice it, Dogger Bank Force 3, south westerly, veering. See Form 572 for details on icing. Note: If you weigh 20 percent more (or higher) than your ideal weight, ignore this section and just eat cake from tin.

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